More Than the Game

Amid the congratulatory hugs and big contracts handed out last night during the first round of the 2012 NFL Draft, each team tried to take its best first step towards earning a spot in Super Bowl XLVII. After a long season of big plays and outstanding performances, two teams – along with fans, media personnel, business men and women– will find themselves in New Orleans on February 3, 2013 in the biggest sporting event of the year. Over 100 million people will watch the game on television, companies will spend over $4 million for every 30-second commercial spot, and many of you will enjoy some great-tasting guacamole.

That is what you do know. Here is what you don’t know. For Super Bowl XLVI, officials for the host city of Indianapolis had more than the game to worry about. Every year, at major sporting events across the country, women and children are trafficked, prostituted, and enslaved for sex tourism during these glamorous, money-hungry events. With restaurants and bars packed each night leading up to the game, cash is not just spent on food and drink. The demand for sex is greater than the supply. Thousands of women are transported every year to the host Super Bowl city for what many believe is the largest sex-trafficking event in the United States.

The world stops to watch and then spends hours in conversation about the game afterwards around the water cooler and at the dinner table. But, as fans, we need to understand what else happens. The sex industry, which takes advantage of vulnerable people, is a $32 billion business, and it is increasing rate all over the world. The following story of A.H. doesn’t make you cheer as you would for a touchdown or laugh at the best million-dollar commercial. However, it does bring you back to the reality of thousands of women and children that came to the host Super Bowl city, only to be sexually exploited. A survivor, A.H. reached out to the NFL Super Bowl host committee in 2011 in a letter asking for the committee to support the I’m Not Buying It Campaign.
Here is her story.

My name is A.H. and I’m a survivor of sex trafficking. I’m not a big football fan, but I’ll never forget my first trip to Dallas/Fort Worth several years ago. It was 2006 when I was dragged there against my will by a pimp. I was forced to dance, strip and sell sex (along with five other young girls) for over a month while he pocketed the cash ($1,000-$3,000/night from each girl) and planned our next gig. I was trapped in a life I never wanted without any hope of escape.

A.H.’s story is just one of thousands. In 2010, an estimated 10,000 women were transported to Miami. Despite the city of Dallas’ efforts the following year, women and children were still exploited throughout the lead-up to the event. This year, a group of nuns in Indianapolis distributed thousands of bars of soap branded with a phone number to call for help along with tutorials on how to recognize a victim to area hotels and motels. Even government officials passed a law just prior to the Super Bowl, increasing the penalty for not the victims, but the pimps and “Johns” caught transporting, coercing, and selling the women and children.

The United Nations defines human trafficking as “The recruitment, transportation, harboring, or taking of people by means of threat, force, coercion, abduction, fraud, or deception for the purpose of exploiting them.” In other words, human trafficking is modern-day slavery. These women and children are promised a better life, an opportunity away from the struggle and abuse they often already face. Do you remember what you were doing at age 13? This is the average age of a sex-slave, often forced to have sex with at least five or six men in one night. Even driving to work, you might spot one of these girls. You judge this girl, believing she has made the choice to stand on the street corner for work. This is most often not the case, as she fights for her life each day. Even when she is rescued, the physiological and emotional walls she has built up after her life on the streets take years to knock down.

The world of sports is a powerful influencer. As fans, we are more engaged than ever. Our children learn some of life’s most valuable lessons from athletics. But, as we cheer, decide on our fantasy teams, and sit in front of the television, more of our attention, understanding, and influence need to be directed towards ridding our cities of this awful industry.

Every February, we will gather with a host of friends to watch the big game. Between now and next winter, we have plenty of time to consider ways to ensure that we work just as hard to advocate for and help those who need us more than we can ever imagine – as we work to support the teams that can get along without us just fine.

Holcomb, Justin. “Sex-Trafficking at the Super Bowl.” February 5, 2012.
http://theresurgence.com/2012/02/02/sex-trafficking-at-the-super-bowl

Kloer, Amanda. “A Trafficking Survivors Plea to Super Bowl Hosts and NFL.” January 25, 2011.
http://news.change.org/stories/a-trafficking-survivor-s-plea-to-super-bowl-hosts-and-nfl

“Pedophiles and pimps score at large sporting events like Super Bowl XLVI.” January 17, 2011. http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/heart-without-compromise-children-and-children-wit/2012/jan/17/pedophiles-and-pimps-score-large-sporting-events-s/

“Super Bowl brings sex traffickers to Indianapolis.” January 30, 2012. http://www.charismanews.com/us/32737-super-bowl-brings-sex-traffickers-to-indianapolis

Calling a Time-Out

When the momentum begins to shift to the other team and the players seem flustered, the coach calls for a quick time-out. The coach then tries to refocus the team, calm emotions, and set up the next play. Do you see where I am going with this? Have you experienced this type of emotion change in a conversation with your wife? Just the other day, Meg walked into the apartment after a long day at work and I was talking to a recruit on the phone. We have agreed not to be on the phone when we first greet each other in the evening. Giving your spouse your full attention immediately after a full day of work is as necessary as playing football with a helmet. Meg wasn’t excited about me being on the phone. I knew she would be home at 9:30. She had also asked me to finish up the dishes. I needed a time-out.

Just as I wrote several weeks ago, your wife is your treasure. She deserves your best. You wouldn’t get complacent on the field or on the court. You wouldn’t let your team continue to play rattled, when you know exactly what could help them. I write today to challenge you. Call the time-out, calm yourself, and gather your thoughts, get off the phone, before you say something you will regret. The hurt we cause our team and our wife could have an effect over the course of the rest of the season. Hold on, every marriage will have disagreements and emotions might run high, but the key is that your relationship is bigger than the issue. Remember, you two are on the same team and how you treat each other leaves either a positive and lasting legacy or a short and divided one. I’ve been taught from several great coaches that all disagreements need to occur prior to being with the team. When we walk on the field, our staff is united, just as my wife and I must be running the same play when we walk into an event or gathering of friends. Nothing can be dividing us.

Now, let’s go back to the recruiting phone call. I often ask these high school student-athletes if they feel their team is a close-knit family. Most often, the recruits that respond with a resounding ‘yes,’ are the players that play for successful programs. The sense of family is what drives them to their success. They play for each other and when the game is on the line, they believe in each other. My marriage gets attacked every day by external influences, but because I try to take the time-out and connect with Meg, we have success and we can fight through difficult circumstances. It is in those moments that victory is that much sweeter. You can experience it, but only if you are willing to call a time-out!

Where to Turn

On April 8, 2012, a guy by the name of Bubba won the Master’s golf tournament at the famed Augusta National and it wasn’t Forrest Gump’s best friend from Alabama. He wore all white throughout the tournament to raise awareness for kids with disabilities. His newly adopted one-month old son Caleb and wife Angie watched from home as he two-putted the second playoff hole to win the green jacket. And, Bubba is the longest hitter on the tour, using a pink-shafted driver, to raise money for local charities in Phoenix. Do you get it? The game of golf for Bubba is bigger than any one hole or tournament. He is playing to make a difference in the lives of others. That’s why his 140-yard wedge shot out of the pine needles that took a hard left and ended up coming to rest just 10 feet from the cup on the final playoff hole is a really big deal not just so you as a sports fan can feel good on a Sunday afternoon, but for his family, the kids he tries to help, and the charities he supports.

See, sports fans tuned in across the world on Sunday, but what they hoped to witness didn’t happen. We wanted to get excited for a guy by the name of Tiger at the top of the leaderboard. We wanted to behold Tiger Woods distancing himself from the field as he pursues Jack Nicklaus’ record of winning 18 major titles. Despite Tiger’s infidelity and transgressions just over two years ago, we root for Tiger and forget the past, hoping he returns to greatness.

Over the past decade, we anticipate – even expect – steroid use, adultery, and cheating. These lapses in judgment are commonplace. Our memories are short and our willingness to forgive is almost guaranteed. That is if, of course, the athlete returns to greatness. As time passes, we forget what happened. We don’t even care what happened. We want results and great performances now. It’s all about turning on ESPN and seeing our plagued stars make it back. The sports fan now observes the immoral athlete as an underdog and a role model trying to find his way. We always cheer for the underdogs. We like the comeback story. By so doing, we as fans pardon their behavior, only wanting to hope and cheer for the next victory, trying to avoid the realization that the character and integrity of college and professional sports’ athletes is diminishing and no one seeks to reverse the trend because of the dollar signs and the excitement sports generate.

I crave to know where I can find the good that takes place within the sports world. Is there another story like Bubba’s, or a player like Tim Tebow? These athletes should be the roles models. I think about playing catch with my father. I remember my coach challenging me to close the gap on my potential. I recall trying to lead others to a common goal. Posters from the magazine, Sports Illustrated for Kids, adorned my bedroom walls. I looked at the pictures of these athletes each night, wanting to be them. Without sports and role models at a young age, we fail to learn some of life’s most important lessons. Yet, with the low-grade character and poor decision-making of current college and professional athletes and coaches, who are we supposed to follow? Do we forgive the wrongdoing? Do we keep our kids or even ourselves from watching Tiger or Kobe because of their tainted past? Athletics is a bridge to opportunity. Sports fans and young athletes place their hope in that fact. But, I’m unsure who to cheer for or even tell my kids, “That’s who you should aspire to act like.” We learn and can make examples of both Bubba and Tiger. Do we then assume Bubba will come to a crash and burn? Are we just waiting for Tim Tebow to slip? If he does, we can hate him for it. We can be ruthless. Then, we immediately forgive his wrongdoing, and praise his leadership and performance as he leads the New York Jets to a Super Bowl victory. That hasn’t happened yet, but to say that these athletes don’t have the responsibility of being role models is about as ridiculous as believing the St. Louis Rams will be playing the Jets in that game. Really, if we are so quick to excuse the behavior of these athletes, do we treat our alcoholic co-workers the same when they aren’t putting up 24 points a game, shooting 68 on Sunday, or making your fantasy team victorious? My only advice, choose your role model carefully. Better yet, be the role model. We need to be the athletes, coaches, and fans making the right decisions on and off the field. Acting with integrity, taking responsibility for our actions, and realizing that everything has consequences is important for all of us. Don’t let the bad decisions of a few selfish and irresponsible athletes dictate how you feel about sports and its ability to be exciting and full of life’s lessons.

How to "Score" Priorities

In marriage, is winning everything? We keep score in sports to determine a winner. We keep score between 1 and 10 in our marriage to figure out what’s important. Quick, before adrenaline rises, both rate the marriage issue 1 through 10 and oftentimes, it’s not as important to one of you as believed. If watching the Master’s golf tournament on Easter Sunday is a “9” to me and a “1” to my wife, then we settle in on the couch. But, if taking off my shoes when I come in is a “10” to my wife and a “2” to me, I’m leaving my shoes at the door. This type of scorecard results in a winner, eliminates the argument, and keeps emotions level. In this case, we don't want competition. We want what's best. No doubt my wife and I are competitive, so I like keeping score. However, when we are tied up 8-8 on an issue, then we need to talk because our scorecard can only take us so far. Good Luck!

My Biggest Fan

You have been on the road for three long days, and finally the game is over and you're heading home. You have recapped the game with the coaching staff and the players but who do you really want to see? Of course, I want to celebrate the victory and take a short break from it all with my wife. The time spent together at home is a moment away from all the preparation, the game, and then the thoughts on next week that already begin to cloud my mind. Only she knows the highs and the lows of the long journey. She was your cheerleader and fan when you didn’t know what play to call or decision to make. When you struggled, she felt the hurt. As you triumphed, she quietly rejoiced. It is our significant others that we must praise, because as our wives, they deserve our best both in and out of season. It is why her endurance and encouragement make her the real CHAMPION.

Discipline Required

A high level of discipline is fundamental for our success as athletes. To take your relationship from good to great, you need to realize personal discipline in your home is just as important as spending hours in the weight room or on the practice field. It requires discipline to run sprints until you can’t find any more air to breathe. Discipline is what gets you out of bed at 5:30 am to train. Discipline is also demanded when washing the dishes, making the bed, or folding the clothes after arriving home after a difficult day at work. That’s when the discipline of service and love take over. You have invested so much in your relationship. Without the discipline of service, aspects of your relationship will be mediocre. Who wants average when pursuing greatness? You want success in your marriage and on the field. Pursue discipline in both and then you really can make an impact.

Top 10 Plays

To start the season, here is an article bringing together marriage and sports.

Our marriages must always be bigger than Duke-UNC, Packers-Bears, and Yankees-Red Sox. You may not think so at the time of the game, but you didn't say "I do" to the Cameron Crazies, Aaron Rodgers, or Derek Jeter. Have you considered taking a timeout for a dinner-date with your wife? Do you have to watch the second quarter of the game when you could be a help around the house? How about going to bed at the same time instead of watching ESPN? This might be the last time of the day to connect before you return to the bedroom the next night at the same time. I encourage you to think twice about watching the top-ten plays of the week when you know you will see it the morning. She may already be asleep and then you've dropped her pass. The difference between victory and defeat is often determined by the team that finds a way to do the little things right. I encourage you to win the game of marriage by stepping up and seeking out the little things that will count the most. Trust me, you will be even be able to catch the fourth quarter and see the most exciting part.