Calling a Time-Out

When the momentum begins to shift to the other team and the players seem flustered, the coach calls for a quick time-out. The coach then tries to refocus the team, calm emotions, and set up the next play. Do you see where I am going with this? Have you experienced this type of emotion change in a conversation with your wife? Just the other day, Meg walked into the apartment after a long day at work and I was talking to a recruit on the phone. We have agreed not to be on the phone when we first greet each other in the evening. Giving your spouse your full attention immediately after a full day of work is as necessary as playing football with a helmet. Meg wasn’t excited about me being on the phone. I knew she would be home at 9:30. She had also asked me to finish up the dishes. I needed a time-out.

Just as I wrote several weeks ago, your wife is your treasure. She deserves your best. You wouldn’t get complacent on the field or on the court. You wouldn’t let your team continue to play rattled, when you know exactly what could help them. I write today to challenge you. Call the time-out, calm yourself, and gather your thoughts, get off the phone, before you say something you will regret. The hurt we cause our team and our wife could have an effect over the course of the rest of the season. Hold on, every marriage will have disagreements and emotions might run high, but the key is that your relationship is bigger than the issue. Remember, you two are on the same team and how you treat each other leaves either a positive and lasting legacy or a short and divided one. I’ve been taught from several great coaches that all disagreements need to occur prior to being with the team. When we walk on the field, our staff is united, just as my wife and I must be running the same play when we walk into an event or gathering of friends. Nothing can be dividing us.

Now, let’s go back to the recruiting phone call. I often ask these high school student-athletes if they feel their team is a close-knit family. Most often, the recruits that respond with a resounding ‘yes,’ are the players that play for successful programs. The sense of family is what drives them to their success. They play for each other and when the game is on the line, they believe in each other. My marriage gets attacked every day by external influences, but because I try to take the time-out and connect with Meg, we have success and we can fight through difficult circumstances. It is in those moments that victory is that much sweeter. You can experience it, but only if you are willing to call a time-out!

Where to Turn

On April 8, 2012, a guy by the name of Bubba won the Master’s golf tournament at the famed Augusta National and it wasn’t Forrest Gump’s best friend from Alabama. He wore all white throughout the tournament to raise awareness for kids with disabilities. His newly adopted one-month old son Caleb and wife Angie watched from home as he two-putted the second playoff hole to win the green jacket. And, Bubba is the longest hitter on the tour, using a pink-shafted driver, to raise money for local charities in Phoenix. Do you get it? The game of golf for Bubba is bigger than any one hole or tournament. He is playing to make a difference in the lives of others. That’s why his 140-yard wedge shot out of the pine needles that took a hard left and ended up coming to rest just 10 feet from the cup on the final playoff hole is a really big deal not just so you as a sports fan can feel good on a Sunday afternoon, but for his family, the kids he tries to help, and the charities he supports.

See, sports fans tuned in across the world on Sunday, but what they hoped to witness didn’t happen. We wanted to get excited for a guy by the name of Tiger at the top of the leaderboard. We wanted to behold Tiger Woods distancing himself from the field as he pursues Jack Nicklaus’ record of winning 18 major titles. Despite Tiger’s infidelity and transgressions just over two years ago, we root for Tiger and forget the past, hoping he returns to greatness.

Over the past decade, we anticipate – even expect – steroid use, adultery, and cheating. These lapses in judgment are commonplace. Our memories are short and our willingness to forgive is almost guaranteed. That is if, of course, the athlete returns to greatness. As time passes, we forget what happened. We don’t even care what happened. We want results and great performances now. It’s all about turning on ESPN and seeing our plagued stars make it back. The sports fan now observes the immoral athlete as an underdog and a role model trying to find his way. We always cheer for the underdogs. We like the comeback story. By so doing, we as fans pardon their behavior, only wanting to hope and cheer for the next victory, trying to avoid the realization that the character and integrity of college and professional sports’ athletes is diminishing and no one seeks to reverse the trend because of the dollar signs and the excitement sports generate.

I crave to know where I can find the good that takes place within the sports world. Is there another story like Bubba’s, or a player like Tim Tebow? These athletes should be the roles models. I think about playing catch with my father. I remember my coach challenging me to close the gap on my potential. I recall trying to lead others to a common goal. Posters from the magazine, Sports Illustrated for Kids, adorned my bedroom walls. I looked at the pictures of these athletes each night, wanting to be them. Without sports and role models at a young age, we fail to learn some of life’s most important lessons. Yet, with the low-grade character and poor decision-making of current college and professional athletes and coaches, who are we supposed to follow? Do we forgive the wrongdoing? Do we keep our kids or even ourselves from watching Tiger or Kobe because of their tainted past? Athletics is a bridge to opportunity. Sports fans and young athletes place their hope in that fact. But, I’m unsure who to cheer for or even tell my kids, “That’s who you should aspire to act like.” We learn and can make examples of both Bubba and Tiger. Do we then assume Bubba will come to a crash and burn? Are we just waiting for Tim Tebow to slip? If he does, we can hate him for it. We can be ruthless. Then, we immediately forgive his wrongdoing, and praise his leadership and performance as he leads the New York Jets to a Super Bowl victory. That hasn’t happened yet, but to say that these athletes don’t have the responsibility of being role models is about as ridiculous as believing the St. Louis Rams will be playing the Jets in that game. Really, if we are so quick to excuse the behavior of these athletes, do we treat our alcoholic co-workers the same when they aren’t putting up 24 points a game, shooting 68 on Sunday, or making your fantasy team victorious? My only advice, choose your role model carefully. Better yet, be the role model. We need to be the athletes, coaches, and fans making the right decisions on and off the field. Acting with integrity, taking responsibility for our actions, and realizing that everything has consequences is important for all of us. Don’t let the bad decisions of a few selfish and irresponsible athletes dictate how you feel about sports and its ability to be exciting and full of life’s lessons.

How to "Score" Priorities

In marriage, is winning everything? We keep score in sports to determine a winner. We keep score between 1 and 10 in our marriage to figure out what’s important. Quick, before adrenaline rises, both rate the marriage issue 1 through 10 and oftentimes, it’s not as important to one of you as believed. If watching the Master’s golf tournament on Easter Sunday is a “9” to me and a “1” to my wife, then we settle in on the couch. But, if taking off my shoes when I come in is a “10” to my wife and a “2” to me, I’m leaving my shoes at the door. This type of scorecard results in a winner, eliminates the argument, and keeps emotions level. In this case, we don't want competition. We want what's best. No doubt my wife and I are competitive, so I like keeping score. However, when we are tied up 8-8 on an issue, then we need to talk because our scorecard can only take us so far. Good Luck!

My Biggest Fan

You have been on the road for three long days, and finally the game is over and you're heading home. You have recapped the game with the coaching staff and the players but who do you really want to see? Of course, I want to celebrate the victory and take a short break from it all with my wife. The time spent together at home is a moment away from all the preparation, the game, and then the thoughts on next week that already begin to cloud my mind. Only she knows the highs and the lows of the long journey. She was your cheerleader and fan when you didn’t know what play to call or decision to make. When you struggled, she felt the hurt. As you triumphed, she quietly rejoiced. It is our significant others that we must praise, because as our wives, they deserve our best both in and out of season. It is why her endurance and encouragement make her the real CHAMPION.

Discipline Required

A high level of discipline is fundamental for our success as athletes. To take your relationship from good to great, you need to realize personal discipline in your home is just as important as spending hours in the weight room or on the practice field. It requires discipline to run sprints until you can’t find any more air to breathe. Discipline is what gets you out of bed at 5:30 am to train. Discipline is also demanded when washing the dishes, making the bed, or folding the clothes after arriving home after a difficult day at work. That’s when the discipline of service and love take over. You have invested so much in your relationship. Without the discipline of service, aspects of your relationship will be mediocre. Who wants average when pursuing greatness? You want success in your marriage and on the field. Pursue discipline in both and then you really can make an impact.